This is a play I wrote (along with a few friends) 3 year back. It still makes me laugh a tonne. Kumar recently read it, and thought I should post it, so here goes.
**************All characters in this play are truly fictitious, and any resemblance to any person either living or dead is purely intentional.Author: Karthik Durvasula
Supporting author: Aswini Kumar
Aswini’s behind me – jobless as usual. It is a job, u know? Being jobless!! Well, Aswini gets the maximum pay for it anyhow. I guess, we should ask him about it.
Karthik: So, Aswini, tell us. How do u do it?
Aswini: No da, it is actually like this…
(Rubs nose coupla times)
Karthik: there u go again, rubbing ur nose.
Aswini: let me tell u about my joblessness.
Karthik: ok, start. Tell me, how do u do it?
Aswini: well, it is like this...
Karthik: will u stop that and start explaining!!
Aswini: well, it is like… ahem ahem. Well, I am actually not
like this in reality.
Karthik: Oh no!!!
Aswini: Honest! I am different here. I have nothing to do here.
It is not that I am a do-nothing. It is just that I have
nothing to do. You on the other hand are so busy (
btw, there is no sarcasm in the voice!!)
Naveen: Hi guys. Hey aswini, I have a doubt.
Aswini: What is it?
Naveen: I will ask you later.
Aswini: You might as well ask me now.
Naveen: ok, what do you feel about me? Tell me.
Aswini: well, it’s like this...
Karthik bursts out laughing.
Doggy (aka Kumar Alagappan) enters.
Doggy: So, Aswini, I heard that you came by JP today. Is that true?
By the way, you got in to Symbiosis.
Aswini: I will not believe it till I see it on-line.
Karthik: Whoa cool!! Hope I could get in.
Anand enters, and Kumar leaves taking Thambi with him.
Anand: Duuuuuh. What happened guys? Hey, no feet on the bed!!
I will die!
Karthik: I am dying, too. Anand, what is the time?
Aswini: We are doing nothing, as usual. By the way,
the Venezuelan economy is better this month.
Prithiv: hey, heard the latest song by Diamond Marmalade!!
It is in the German Top 5!
Aswini: Karthik, why are you quiet?
Karthik: Ahooooooooooga. Is that better?
Karthik shows upper teeth.
Still Karthik: Hey, I think I am going to learn swimming properly
once I go back.
Karthik (again): I really liked the food today. The paneer was good.
I also liked the chappathis; they tasted like nothing
I tasted before!! Honest. Really cooooool.
Adi: hey guys, wanna see me butt?
Adi pulls shorts down and shows his embarrassment to everybody. Everybody stunned in to silence. Never have they seen such minusculity!! It was a small pendant near the navel.
Adi: I am mad!!
Everybody (in chorus): We know.
Adi: hey guys, I am sending my applications tomorrow.
Karthik: I am sure.
Adi: Actually, I am waiting for the final, final attestation from
the chairman. The college in northern Andaman Nicobar requires it.
Karthik: Hey, I applied there too. Cool place. They didn’t ask me for the
extra documentation. I guess I am special.
Adi: Well, I am applying to the special course in Aeronautical
Engineering with special emphasis on the Thermal aspects of
the buttular friction between the toilet seat and the human
posteriors at sub-sonic and super-sonic speeds in a non-ideal
medium with a varying (loose) motion-resistance co-efficient! I
am taking special sampling bodies from VIT. Bhund happens to be
one of them.
Karthik: Whoa. Chill out!! U are really cool, dude.
Doggy enters again.
Doggy: Karthik, how is the extinct department at Delaware. Heard that
their last recruit was in the Old Stone Age. Is that true? Is
Chomsky going to find his way out of the library? Are u going
there to help him out?
Karthik: ok, just because I am so sweet doesn’t mean that u should
insult me! I feel bad when u say things like that.
Aswini: yes dog, don’t speak like that.
Everybody turns towards Aswini, surprised.
Ashwin: Hey guys, does anybody have a fag?
Aswini: yeah, up my ass.
Doggy: ok, the door is open.
Karthik: good, u can leave. This is Naveen’s room
Dog sleeps on Thambi’s bed with legs up in the air at the critical angle to achieve doggy-hood.
Anand shakes himself awake.
Anand: Hey, it is 6:30.
Karthik: Man, I asked you 20 minutes back!!
Chat goes on till late in the night.
Vikram: what are u guys doing?
Aswini: we are writing a play. We will print it out and we will act it out.
Vikram reads the play – reads his own name mentioned.
Vikram: Why are you including me in the play?
Aswini: We are writing as it happens. It is a futuristic flash-back with
computerized hand pumps. This same techinique was implanted by
Shakespeare to produce “Lahore of Venice”.
Karthik: Oh no!! Stop it Aswini.
Karthik again: Ok, guys, I am going to sleep. Good night.
Aswini: Ok, does anybody have anything to read? Please, I need something
to read. Karthik, do you have something?
Karthik: No da, good night.
Everybody leaves the room.
Karthik comes back after half an hour and asks Naveen if he could sleep in the room.The END