After a long slumber comes a painful awakening

I feel like blogging. It's been ages since I posted anything contemplative, and it is this path that I shall walk down today - let the last few words serve as a warning to all those hoping to avoid anything more serious than a castrated bull performing a long-forgotten bovine mating dance.

The last few months have been painful because I finally realised that I have no plan, no guiding-light, and no passion to pursue. I have probably rued about this my whole life, but it is these last few months which have magnified to the right size the seriousness of the situation I am in. Following this self-realisation, I followed a path of understanding my inner soul - needless to say, it was a dead-end (what inner soul?). Then I changed tracks and thought one should plan not for what one wants to do in life, but where one wants to BE at the end of it. In short, the goal, not the means. This avenue, honestly, helped a lot more - the abstraction which such an action entails surely confuses you to the point where you think you might actually be doing all right.

So, why am I yapping this near-incomprehensible sacred bovine faeces?

Today I realised more so than ever that even old-friendships are susceptible to death. I talked to an old friend and had almost nothing to say. And, I am hurt.